i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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