It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
All the doctor said was why
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
