Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
