I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
