Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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