i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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