i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
