my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
