he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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