Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
