Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
