haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize