Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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