my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
