I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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