no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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