Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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