we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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