Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
