It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
