My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
