she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I am available for nakedness
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
