it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
