Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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