Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
