So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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