So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
