Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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