At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
