I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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