I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
accomplished twins. life is a go
i think i scared a bird with my dick
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
