and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Dicks are not precious.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
