Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize