can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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