don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
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