Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
