highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
