Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
