dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
