There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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