Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
