My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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