How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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