I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize