Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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