I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
