Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Randomize
