so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
