I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
