2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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