Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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