If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
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