its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
In other news, I just burned my penis
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
