my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
