We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
