It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
