Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
