my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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