Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
