I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
