I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
just found out that she named her cat after me.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
