A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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