Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
