i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize