I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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